watching, waiting...

2001-08-07 @ 11:20 p.m.

fuck i'm tired...

working too many hours. it seems that most of my patients are terminally ill. the empathy that i feel for them is draining beyond belief. i am supportive, i listen, i inform, i touch them, i hold them, i counsel them and their desperate families, i mop the bodily fluids that spill from them and offer them relief. but there can be little relief in their cruel illnesses. i feel selfish for having these overwhelming emotions, it is not my health i grieve for. but i know that if i did not feel so strongly for them, my ability to care for them would suffer.

it is hard to watch people die...