weekend pending

friday 24th august @ 19:32

the weather is warm, the sun is shining. my night shift has passed without ordeal and having slept peacefully for a few hours i wake to shower before meeting the girl in my dreams. J is pleased to see me and i can't stop touching her, small gestures, little hugs and tentative kisses. and all the warmth and trust that slips out of our relationship when we are apart, is replaced afresh.

i'm missing her every minute and am really looking forward to seeing her. i just hope we can get through this weekend without rowing too badly. i know we have radically different views on many things, including how to handle the "ex". i just hope we can not let it get in the way of us being together. she is clearly dreading the sunday night party at PK's. i can try to understand. i remember with distress the nights out with P and his mates that left me crying in the corner, too scared to speak. i really don't want her to put herself in a situation that will make her that uncomfortable but she says that she is coming. Of course i want her there. in a way i will need her support, but i hope that i can give her the support that she will need to get through the night too. as it turns out, a couple of people who she knows and who know about "us" will be there and i'm hoping they will make her feel a bit more at ease.

however i look at it, it is out of my hands. all i can do is repeat that she does not have to be there, otherwise it is up to her. i guess i'm just scared that we will end up fighting over this and i don't want that. i do care about how she feels, but i'm powerless.

so anyway, if we survive the weekend, we get the whole week together. it will be great, i can't wait.

i love you more than ever babe...help me to know how i can help you...if i could, i would make you truly happy.

there has to be a way for us. i just don't know what it is. but i'm still searching.

hang on babe...