sustain me

2001-08-26 @ 00:51

no J. she has to stay home with her new kitten. i'm missing her like crazy and really needed her support about the party at PK's. i'm getting nervous and now having made such a fuss about her coming with me, she will not be there. and now it seems she is being distant. she clearly didn't want to talk about the party, so i drop the subject. she is distancing herself from me and i don't know why. i can't think of anything i have done to upset her. maybe i'm just being sensitive but she never tells me how she is feeling, so i am left to make assumptions. i can't seem to win this game of love. what ever i do, is never enough. how do i find the balance between giving enough of myself to sustain her, and keeping enough of myself for me. i don't know what she wants from me. and i don't know how much more i can give. so i spend another night alone, without her.