kiss me deadly

wednesday 5th september @ 00:01

i seem to have so much to say, but the words just won't come out right. i'm so tired. tired from the emotional kickbacks that push me down. i am tired of being alone. i am tired of being with people. i am restless in anticipation of the future. and i don't understand how i can make it better. the absence of i love you has bruised me. and whether intentional or not, springs connotations upon my troubled mind. i am lost in this maze of emotion and know not how to find my way to the centre where true love lies waiting. i am wading deep in a love that does not comfort me, but scares and intimidates. past experience taught me sex could be about power. maybe i was wrong. maybe love is power too. my desires remain the same. the journey towards them becomes more littered with obstacles. we are apart and the distance between grows ever wider. i do not know when we can be together again. i fear our time together almost as much as our time apart. i cannot hide the feeling that we have lost the very thing that we were fighting for. my aching thoughts batter me with their betrayal. the voices inside contradict and play for fun. and the love inside tears at my guts. blood pools in every vein, sticky and sweet. deadly.

this feeling is not what i have been hoping for. this is not what i waited for all these years. i'm scared to lose whatever we had. after everything that's happened. but i can feel it slipping from my fingers. no matter how far i reach, i cannot catch it. i can't see it. i can't hear it. i know it's still there. how do you save it...am i supposed to know the answer?

i'm scared now.