disconnected

Thursday, Jan. 03, 2002 @ 18:00

the long dark blur of new year gatherings has passed through me. i am back at work on the night shift surrounded by lunatics, both staff and patients.

echoes of kisses like chemical reactions make me shudder then smile. empty hours at your side, watching you. you slept. i didn't. in evening light the three of us walked into the dreary grey for supplies, and then fell back into position for the necessary analysis of the night before.

when you gave me a ride home i was grateful. the quiet here feels raw and disjointed. i have been pulled free of a wreck i was comfortable in.

time now to disconnect. this one way affection is verging on stalking and will lead only to paranoia. need to separate. the brain shadow that sits in my head in the shape of you is beautiful. i will miss it when it fades.

i will miss you when you leave. i miss you already.

"don't call me, don't write, don't show up in the middle of the night. we needed some time and space to breathe in. it's what you did not say that sets me free."

Natalie Bonelli