reality out of focus

saturday 9th march 2002 @ 17:27

i didn't look back when i left you sleeping, but you did not follow. walking towards the rising sun i moved home. or was i leaving it behind. gulls circled overhead as i chain smoked over dark pavements and as the day brightened the sky, i longed for the cloaking darkness of 3am. the whispered honesty. or was it?

maybe you weren't really letting me into your reality. maybe it was just a carefully composed snapshot of what you wanted me to see. as you talked of escaping to warmer shores, (except you always take your head with you), you said you didn't want to tell people who you really are. was i supposed to feel special then? is it not more real to have people spend time with you based on the truth, not some out of focus view that blurs the edges, the flaws. what is your reality? and where is the honesty you pride yourself on? maybe it isn't me you need to be honest with. maybe it's you...