a memory that led to a feeling and the numbness fades to black

wednesday 17th april 2002 @ 21:58

once we were like one, moving together in time, perceiving each other's steps as our own. memorising our futures together. but these futures did not predict the insecurities that would ultimately push us apart and leave a rugged void between us. a prose of unwritten words and unsaid poetry. all the things we could never let ourselves give up. all the reasons for being together. instead we let loose all the motivations for staying apart.

celestial beings swing and turn and the stars and planets revolving guide our moods, our desires. i don't recall if i listened to them. i am still wishing on stars that have long since imploded.

i would not live it all again, but would remain with these memories. though most of recent times are tortuous and serve only to bring me down. but somewhere in the recesses of my mind are the shaded echoes of times when we smiled and laughed together or were at least content in each others company. unfortunately mostly what i remember is your pain, your destruction, my worry, my need to show you my strength.

all of these things encountered showed our true colours and faces that we had spent years hiding behind well practised smiles. and it is clear that we did not find the beauty that we had hoped for. and our imaginations can only do so much before reality seeps around the edges of rose tinted shades, and cuts blunt to the heart of the matter.