memory replacement

Monday, Dec. 29, 2014 @ 17:42

i don't know where to start so i just type into the box and wait for the right words to come. this way there's a chance my consciousness will come to the surface and tell me what to do and how this will end.
you seemed so certain from the beginning. so confident. so sure of yourself. so sure of me. but I resisted and protested as you could not know me yet. and still I believe that despite falling into this desperate vortex of swirling doubt and desire and now pain and fear again.
I'm no angel for you and what you see is so filtered and skewed that The sincerity falls from your words. after last night even further now you got what you came for. i surrendered to you and gave you what you craved from me and still you said such sweet things. and most remarkable of all I didn't think of him and of the pain and of the fear of him. I let you take it all away from me. my memories replaced with hope.
but as predicted everything has changed now. you caught me and now you relax and no longer chase me and those sweet words have lost their urgency even though you say love and forever, their is nothing you can say that will tell me that are too comfortable already because I can see it already.