the story so far

sunday 23rd march 2003 @ 22:34

a tricky period of continued uncertainty and a lack of control that goes beyond just following the flow. loss is becoming my field of expertise and when fantasy blurs this much with my reality my expectations can never be met.

guilt sits uncomfortably in my soul because i think i lack respect for others and yet i persistantly make excuses for others behaviour and assume my guilty role as punishment for having emotion.

i should withdraw and find a safe space for myself but i think i took a wrong turning and don't know where to find it right now. progress is difficult with so many obstacles to slow me down.

the story so far...

girl meets object of affection.

object of affection returns message of desire.

girl intensifies feelings.

object of affection becomes unsure.

girl holds back and fears rejection.

object of affection recommends friendship.

girl sleeps with drunken object of affection.

object of affection declines commitment.

girl feels stupid for assuming otherwise.

object of affection shows concern.

girl tries not to show hurt and disappointment.

and cries over gentle ballads.

repeated until object of affection thoroughly pissed off and girl becomes angry.