waiting for the answer i don't want to hear

thursday 15th may 2003 @ 02:48

it's nearly 3am. why i am still sat here? my bed has become a place of nightmare and restless visions of an empty future, rather than the sanctuary it should be. i am waiting. i will admit to that. waiting for the call that will never come. the need for you in my life so overwhelming still that i do not rest in case i miss you.

and strangely i am bad at waiting. always wanting things now. yesterday. so instead of recognising that i cannot have what i want, i sit waiting badly, asking all the wrong questions and finding all the wrong answers.

reading: glory goes and gets some by emily carter

hearing: pink floyd

wanting: you to call

fearing: the realisation that actually you don't want to see me