being me

monday 4th march 2002 @ 00:33

i can see the disappointment in your pale eyes and now i cannot meet them. your thin smile cannot disguise the way you feel about my life. i am not the success story that you wanted me to be and now i am relieved that i do not have to share the mysteries of my days with you. you don't want to hear it. and it would never be enough. maybe i will never be enough. i do not want to be your failure, but it is only your expectations that allow me to be just that. so when you go home tomorrow i will carry on. being me. and i will no longer worry that i do not tell you all the things that make my life so interesting. the people that effect me in ways that you do not understand. how i spend my time. it's better this way. and in your dreams i will be whatever you want. but in my life i will be as i am.