friendship's many faces

saturday 27th april 2002 @ 01:07

midnight thoughts tumble through my brain on the long walk home.

soaking up sporadic conversation from my vantage point on some strangers sofa. the dog hairs clinging to my regulation black t-shirt. a meaningless smile on my bare lips, although i mean well. i long for better company but feel like i've done the right thing.

she professes me as a friend although i now consider how little she knows me and if that counts as friendship. she declared how she defended the lesbian remarks of a colleague with her knowledge that she did not have gay friends. and i knew that if my truth be known i would not have been offered her coffee and company.

truth is so subjective. not just to ourselves with our fantastical lives out here in cyberspace, but to others. when we become simply the parts that they wish to see, and not always even the parts we choose to reveal.

this is why diaryland is so very precious to so many of us. we reveal what we can bear, to ourselves and to others. the personal truths born of life and fantasy combined. a place where there is no judgement, and perhaps we find friendship in the emotions and dreams that are shared. a safe place to contain ourselves in language that by some will be understood. a place to find parallel minds. this friendship is based on a private appreciation, still subjective, but carefully chosen for it's meaning. it's feeling. it's beauty.

relationships built on mutual needs and desires that can be fulfilled without commitment. there is no disappointment, no lecture when things go wrong, no boredom when the blues play too long.

and when we leave our imprints here, we leave enough of ourselves to be loved, to be adored. as we would in real life, if we could guarantee the price was not too high.

so with eyes that see what they want to see, i believe in the beauty of diaryland. and know that when i choose to be here, dreams of distant places and fantasy people are here at my fingertips. and when i switch the power off, and i notice the fading light or the tick of the clock, people will take my hand and lead me through the good and the bad. and yes sometimes they will try to change my mind or offer their advice. because true friendship knows the value of the whole, and still comes back for more.